Having a bad day

So this morning on my way to work the song "Wild Child" from Enya came on and I used to play that song during Christmas back in the day when I was with my kids father, when they were small. As much as I choose not to remember those days, I can't for the fact that was the precious years of their lives, but also the time before I knew of Thalassemia.
That particular year I was remembering was 2001 when my cousin had died 6 days before our birthday (We were born on the same day different year), I found out months before the kids dad was cheating on me, Angelina wasn't born yet, but what I remember most is that in my head Dimitri didn't have any thing but the world in his hands. There was no doctors, tests, blood transfusions, chelation, he was your average kid. Remembering that mental and emotional freedom, until every thing blew out the next year.
Then as the time comes again to plan for blood transfusion next week and reality kicks in once again. I just want to tell the world off and hide in a corner and cry until I can't cry any more. No.... I still have to go to work, pick up the kids, cook dinner, run my errands, live life and act normal. I know the kids know when I am having a bad day, but I still have to reassure them everything will be ok. I may need to go out to the car a bit and cry it out, but once I walk back in I have to have a smile on my face. I F*&#ing hate this, but all day I am going to have to remind my self "I can do this", "I can do this", "I can do this"....