How the stress can hurt you in your life

When I first found out that Dimitri had to start blood transfusions the stress was unbearable that Cristian and I got divorced because it made our issues bigger. After months to figure things out we decided to get back together and make things work.
We did such or so I thought…
We bought a house, Cristian got a job out-of-state.  In this time I found out that Angelina also had to start BT, and it was that roller coaster ride again. The emotional stress and trying to pull myself out of the self-pity. Needing the emotional support. Cristian decided to come back home to support the family.
We started a business even if slow I felt Cristian’s support at home with the kids and how everyone’s relationship grew stronger. In this time our business is not moving forward and not making any money, so I am financially supporting our family, and depended on Cristian’s help with the kids, since he was un-willing to find a second job. The stress of knowing that our gas will be shut off and if we will have enough to buy food until the next pay check. Watching my debt get deeper and deeper.  My stress is so much that I began to become numb.
Financially we can never afford to go out or have some adult time. So the tension builds as well. I start putting on weight, and everything is too much to handle, so I decide to start working out and eating healthy in hopes to create self-worth again for myself, but also entice my relationship.
Results were that I have lost my personality, and I don’t put any effort into our family. A bit of jealousy that I allowed my kids to talk to their dad who in reality I feel it was premature as well. Their father has taken no responsibility or has shown any interest in their health situation. I stopped all communication and visitation and he recently decided to take an interest. Truth be told Cristian has been there for most BT for both kids and has been Dimitri’s male figure and father figure and here their dad wants to jump in and take his title back that he didn’t earn.
Right when I thought I was on the right track to find inner happiness again, I got knocked down from my feet. I know it has taken toll of my emotions I hear it at work as well. My family was all I had left on my side and now I feel that was torn apart.
I am so tired of the emotional tool and stress and now the only relationship that ever mattered to me, may end because I am numb but at the same time what more could I have done when I took over everything? I feel so lost and drained and that I have done all I can. I feel as if I have lost myself because not any loads have been taken off my back. Yet it is my entire fault.

I am so tired….